|:x:|HeatheR|:x:|

2004-08-06T00:32:00.000-05:00

If you like Billy Boyd, go here.

2004-08-05T02:28:00.000-05:00

I hate this. I really fucking do. Why does life have to be full of so much pain? And so much fucking bullshit, my God. I can't even describe the way I feel right now. I hate this.

2004-07-29T15:50:00.000-05:00

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. They need a saying like that for Orlando. lol naw but it was crazy. It was kind of different than I expected... in sort of a bad way... but looking back on it, it was a good trip and it's sad knowing that it's over now. I wanna go baaack! lol. I mean, on one hand, it's great to be home, but on the other hand, Florida was just... great. Being with the same 16 people for a week can be frustrating, that's fo shizzle, but I had fun there. I could put all my worries in the back of my mind and have some real fun for once. Sunday night and Tuesday night/Wednesday morning were the best I've had in a long time. Tuesday was just an all-around cool day. But anywho, I kinda want to go into more details but I know that once I start talking about everything, I'll be here all damn day. But I stayed up all night Tuesday night. It was a fucking crazy night. It was a fuckload of fun but parts of it made me nervous cuz it could've gotten me into a lot of trouble, lol. I didn't really do anything wrong but I dunno, lol. It's uhh hard to explain without talking about the whole story... which would take forever to do. But anywho, we all met a shitload of people and made some new friends. John rocks!! Right, Rachel? lol. And Zach came away with a new girlfriend. Ordway came back with a pole-vaulting medal, lmfao!!! Inside joke. Hella funny shit. But anywho, so yea... our last night was awesome. Austin set off the fire alarm, lmao. He burnt his popcorn. I told him to put it in for 3 minutes, but he hit an extra 0 so he put it in for 30 minutes. Smart people! Let's face it. We's dumb... we's dumb as hell. lmao! Meatwad rocks!! Do it fo' the shawties! lol. Alright well as soon as I get some pictures back, I'll put 'em up somewhere or something. Oh yea! I met famous people! Kinda, lol. Not that famous but it's cool. We met the band Fusebox and talked to them for a good while. It was sweet. And we met Bob Lenz. I don't know if the rest of you folks know who that is but he's an awesome motivational speaker. He's pretty well-known though. And then we met this other guy but I don't know if I'm supposed to say who. Most people probably wouldn't believe me if I said who anyway. Or... yea I dunno. I'll just wait and see. But anyway, I guess I'm out, eventhough I haven't even begun to really describe this trip. So yep, later days!

2004-07-18T20:27:00.000-05:00

*sigh* Bummer. Well, I went to the mall today. With Mom, hurrah. It wasn't that bad though. I got some rad stuff which I should be more excited about... and I was for a while... but the mood got killed. When I got home from that I went to Wal-Mart with some friends. Ok, two friends, one biatch. Man, things are changing and I don't know what to do about it. Everything is going downhill right now. Even the trip sorta. I don't know, I'm still kinda excited about it but also worried that it won't be near as much fun as I'm hoping it will be. I can just see people getting pissed off at each other and fighting. But whatever. Shit happens I guess and I'll try to make the most of it. The problem is that I won't feel like making the most of it if I'm in a bad mood before I leave. Which sucks for me because things suck fucking ass right now. I guess that's why I have a feeling the trip won't be that great. Man, everything was going good for a while too. Why did it have to go down the shitter right before my trip? I don't know, we'll see what happens. Holy shit!! Sorry, I'm watching the Butterfly Effect. It just started kinda. Some fucking perverted guy is filming little kids, making them do uhh... bad things. Anywho, I'm out. I'll probably update something later. Either this or the Xanga. Woohoo. That was fake enthusiasm. Ok, bye. Whoa!! I feel sorry for this little boy man. Fucked up. Ok ok, sorry, bye.

2004-07-12T21:23:00.000-05:00

Woohoo! Someone was brave enough to leave a comment. Yaaay. lol, my friends tell me they always read my blog but I wouldn't know it since they never say jack crap. Oh well. Anywho...

Today was dullsville. I cannot wait 'til we go to Florida. I'm so bored with this place. Orlando will be nice. I get all giddy just thinking about it, hehehe. Oh and I found out that Relient K will be one of the bands doing concerts at our Gathering thing so that rocks. I better get to see them dammit. I found that out this morning... it put me in a good mood... until my mom killed it. *sigh* I don't know. I think her and I are ok... for now. She always bugs man. I never seem to do anything right anymore. She makes me feel like I'm just a disappointment.. and a burden. I try to be a better person for her but I don't know what else to do. I mean, what can I do? Nothing seems to please her. Ugh, I dunno. I'll stop bitching though. I know I'm definately not the only one with this problem.

I'm out. I'll update later, maybe...

2004-07-09T13:09:00.000-05:00

It's barely past 1 PM and I've already talked on the phone more today than I have the entire week, lol. Too much phone time for my liking, but oh well. I've been on the phone with my uncle, my dad, Scott, Steph, Jarrett, and my mom. Now I FINALLY get to get back on the internet cuz my brother finally left... so yea... no more calls for a while dammit. Blah. I've been talking all morning, I'm not used to that really, lol. My brother sucks though. I'll explain why later. I don't feel like explaining it now.. so yea.. blah. Later.

2004-07-08T03:00:00.001-05:00

My stomach is hurting like crazy right now. I'm not sure why though. Sharp, sharp pains... ow. Anyway, what's up everybody?

I had a youth meeting tonight. Yay. It was fun though, and it put me in a good mood. After the actual meeting, we watched some video on Disney World (since we'll be there in like 15 days! YAY!) and it got me all excited. It looks grand so I can't wait to go to that. Plus we'll be going to the National Youth Gathering thingy too so yea, that'll be fun on it's own. Tee hee hee, I can't wait. I'm bringing a calling card though so I don't have to go a whole week without talking to my babeh. :( That would suck some ass.

Well anywho, not much else to report right now. I think it was a good day. The end was a little shakey but whatever. It doesn't matter.

I'm out.

2004-06-28T08:06:00.000-05:00

Fahrenheit 9/11

See it.

2004-06-25T15:03:00.000-05:00

I changed the look of my blog a tad. Well, I completely changed it actually. But anywho. My head is seriously killing me man. The past few days it's been hurting like this. Anyway, I'm waiting for Art to get home. He's in the hospital again. :( I'm not completely sure what's wrong yet, so I'll write more about it when I find out more I guess.

I realized this morning that I have a LOT that I want to say to a certain someone. Not sure if I will or not yet though. Ralph thinks I should give 'em a piece of my mind, lol, and that makes sense. But I don't know. I don't want new shit to start. It's... weird.

Oh yea, and I really, really want to see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. I wasn't sure if I did at first, but today I watched Good Day Live, and they talked to Michael Moore and showed some clips from the movie, and now I really want to see it.

Umm I don't really have much else to say. Oh but I have a question for the people. Alright, let's say someone you know does something fucked up that upsets you. And then they apologize for it and say they didn't mean to do it. They seem pretty sincere too so you kinda get over it. But then later, they do the same fucked up thing. And what's worse is they don't see anything wrong with it. Do you think they meant their apology? I don't, but maybe I'm crazy.

Alright, I'm out. Oh joy, it's thundering AGAIN. Later.

Oh and P.S. The mouse we had in the house is gone. Yay.

2004-06-24T01:59:00.000-05:00

Everyday at least one person finds some way to disappoint me. Thanks. With that said, the only thing left to say is.... FUCK YOU GUYS!

...Just kidding.

I'm hungry.

Moving on. I just woke up. I didn't sleep for very long. I sleep at weird times, give me a break. My friend is here, so he probably hates me now for falling asleep all early, lol. Oh well. He's hear cuz of Brandon anyway. Hahahahaha. Anywho, today was kinda funny. Or.. wait, yesterday. Yea, yesterday. There's a mouse in our house (can't remember if I mentioned that on here yet or not). So my brother and I found this rubber mouse that we have and put it in a drawer for Mom to find. He put it's head in a mouse trap and put it in the drawer where all of our forks, knives, and spoons are. So yea.. Mom wasn't going in the drawer so Brandon decided to ask her for a spoon. Lmao it was priceless, she opened the drawer and screamed and jumped back and had the funniest look on her face. lol, then she started laughing and smacked Brandon. Hehehe. Which sorta leads to the other thing that I laughed forever over. My brother was being mean later saying that I shouldn't laugh at Mom cuz I would be next.. so I jacked the mouse, so he couldn't do anything with it. And he said, "No, not with that. I'm talking about spiders here." So yea.. he was freaking me out. He kept talking about it and if you know me, you know I'm fucking terrified of spiders. So he kept talking about it and was I was just thinking about what he could do, and how bad it would scare me. So yea, I almost started to cry, lol. My eyes got watery... and Brandon still wouldn't quit. So, lmao, that pissed Scott off and he punched him fucking hard in the shoulder. It's funny, Brandon tried to pretend it didn't hurt but you know it had to have... he has this huge, huge, HUGE bruise there now. It's all weird-colored and nasty-looking, lol. So yea, then I was like, "EAT SHIT BRANDON! HAHAHAHA!" lol. It's cool when I have my friends around. Whoa... wtf was that noise? I think somebody's up. I hope so anyway... cuz if not, I don't know wtf that was.

Anyway, Andrew just got on now so I'm gonna go talk to him. He's sick. :(

2004-06-23T08:45:00.000-05:00

I've decided that I'm going to give myself a piercing... if I can decide on what to pierce. My first choice would be tongue but you can't do that yourself. Soo, the choices are lip, ear(s), bellybutton, or maybe nose or eyebrow. Not sure yet if I'd want those last two things. So yea, let me know what you guys think.

2004-06-21T23:45:00.000-05:00

"Empty Apartment" - Yellowcard

Called me out, you stayed inside
One you love is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn, I think sometimes
You forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing
You forget where the heart is

Take you away
From that empty apartment
You stay
And forget where the heart is
Someday
If ever you loved me you'd say
It's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life? What's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me,
And how broken my heart is?

Take you away
From that empty apartment
You stay
And forget where the heart is
Someday
If ever you loved me you'd say
It's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away
From that empty apartment
You stay
And forget where the heart is
Someday
If ever you loved me you'd say
It's okay

It's okay...
It's okay...

---

Somebody told me that that song reminds them of me. That made me think. I feel worse now. I love and hate the way songs can get to me. It's weird. I feel bad though. I think I've been treating this person worse than they should have been treated.

2004-06-21T23:06:00.000-05:00

I hate feeling like this. Feeling like nothing. Feeling just... weird. I can't really explain it fully yet. My heart hurts. I mean, it just feels... heavy. Whoa, and the song that came on can explain it pretty well. Kind of. But I'll keep the song to myself. It'd be kind of hard for an outsider to see what exactly I mean by it... and stuff. Wow, I'm not good with words today.

Anyway, I was really starting to get over something. To give someone a second chance, if they wanted it. But it seems as soon as I'm ready and willing to talk to them again and be "friends", they say something stupid and it kills it. Oh well...

This sucks. I think I'm falling into depression yet again. I laugh about stuff but the happiness never stays long. I'm constantly on the verge of crying. Everything is so fucking frustrating also.

I feel like not trying with anything anymore. Just live care-free. It sounds good right now.

2004-06-15T21:06:00.000-05:00

I don't even know what to think anymore. Someone tells me one thing then does another. Or somebody tells me one thing and then someone else tells me something different. How about a little fucking honesty? Grr, I hate lies. I don't know what's going on with anyone anymore because it gets so confusing. They withold stuff from me that I feel I should know, but that's alright, whatever. I'll just get used to people's bullshit. I hate people. People are stupid. People are hypocrites. People are mean. People are selfish. I'm just talking about people in general. There are some good people out there. Some people make me happy. Some people actually care about me and tell me the truth. But so many more people are just.. GRR!

I saw on the news that they have some DVDs out in some stores of teenagers and probably other people too, going out on the streets with a 50 bolt stun gun, shocking sleeping homeless people. How sick is that? That's just so fucked up.

I've just become so tired of and frustrated with all the bullshit lately. Today has sucked. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I'm going to a Round Rock Express game. Kacie's going too so that rocks. I might spend the night at her house then but I don't know yet.

Thank God for Story Of The Year. Their music just... makes me feel better. I don't know, they're just an awesome band. Anyway, I'm out.

2004-06-13T22:37:00.000-05:00

Yay, yay, yay, yay, YAY! Today rocked! In the morning was church. It was very interesting. Lmao, and funny too. But eh. Won't get into all of that. Then we went shopping, just for a little while. Then at 3, I went fishin'!

Ok, actually, I didn't go fishing. We met up at this one huge tank but only the adults and a few kids were fishing. A couple of people went swimming too. Umm, but the people there were.. Jarrett, Tim, Steph, Whit, Thomas, Zach, Andre, Austin, Caleb, Mary, Johnathan, Jason, and.... I think that was pretty much it. Oh and Ordway too, lmfao. Anyway, I mostly hung out on land with the guys and Mary. We were skipping rocks and just talking. Oh and then Whit and I were throwing ice at people for a while. It sounds so simple and in a way boring, but it was cool. I really enjoy the small things like that. Just talking about random things. We only stayed there for like an hour to an hour and a half though.

Then we went to Jarrett's house. Yaay, that's when the real fun began, woot woot. We went swimming, yay. It was all those people I mentioned before, minus Austin, plus Jennifer and Kacie. Oh and Mary left perdy early. Anywho, so yea, we went swimming first. That was coool. They have all this stuff for their pool, like floaty thingies, lol. People kept jacking my stuff though. Bastards. So I'd have to steal it back. Most of the guys were doing jumps off the diving board, lol, it was funny. I got a pic of a couple of 'em so yea, whenever I get those pics back, I'll put them up somewhere. They're funny. Anyway so then we went and hung out at "the barn". It's like.. well kinda a barn, no hay or animals in it though. But yea, it's kinda like.. Jarrett's second room. It's pretty big, two rooms (one with a pool table and the other has like a couch and a bed sorta thing and chairs and a tv and stereo and fridge and all that good stuff.. lol talk about a run-on sentence right there..) heh. It's cool, lmao, the guys started playing this fucking stupid game. I think they got it from Jackass. It's called nutball. I wanted to get a picture of them playing it but I didn't have my cam with me then. Dumbest game ever man. Two guys sit on the floor, one at one side of the room and the other at the other side. They had a tennis ball, and they'd toss it back and forth to each other. But here's the catch. They can't catch the ball with their hands. Instead that sit there with their legs spread open (they were all in their damn swimming trunks too, lol) and so yea, when one guy throws it, he tries to aim it so it lands on the other guy's nuts (hence the name). Stupidest fucking game. And once u get hit in the nuts 3 times (it has to hurt though) then you're out, the other person wins and the next guy goes in to play. Stupid, stupid game, but I laughed so hard because they'd get hit, and then, lmao, they'd be like "OH FUCK!" and would roll around on the floor in pain. They'd be yelling and kicking their legs into the air and beating on the floor, lmao. Dumb asses. They'd turn all red, lmao, and talk in high-pitched voices. Thomas probably got the worst hit of the night. Lmfao, he was all limping and shit afterwards for a while. Zach got hit pretty damn bad too though. lol, it's so stupid, but it's funny cuz they keep playing eventhough they get hurt all bad. Anywho, then we all gathered around the pool and had some devotion type thing (it WAS a youth social thing, after all) so that was pretty cool. Everyone went around saying what they were thankful for. Then we prayed and stuff and just talked, it was cool. Then we went swimming again. This time we stayed in the pool for a long ass time though. Some people got out earlier but me, Jennifer, Kacie, Thomas, Johnny, Jason, and Ordway (lmfao!) stayed for a long time. It was really fun. Pools rock. Especially their's. It was fun. We were making fun of Thomas a lot, lmao. But we were just fucking around. It's funny cuz he's hit puberty hard all of a sudden and it's really obvious, lol. His voice is funky so we kept asking him to sing.. cuz he used to be able to sing pretty well, but now not really since his voice is changing. It was retarded, lol. Anywho, enough about that, then we went into the hot tub for a while. Jeebus, I love those. They're awesome! And then we went back to the barn for a while. Thank God this time the guys weren't playing nutball. But me, Kacie, Jay, and Thomas played a game of pool. And then after that we were just messing around, being crazy and stupid, lol. And we got bitched at by Zach, Jarrett, Whit, and Andre cuz they were playing a video game in there and they couldn't concentrate with us being all crazy. BS! But oh well. 1 Tubbeh, tubbeh. LMFAO!!

Oh, and I actually have an inside joke with my brother! =O Amazing!! LUCKY FIN!!! lmfao. =)

Alright well, that was my day. I left out quite a few details and minor events but oh well. Doesn't really matter anyway I guess. Anywho, I'm out. Laters!

2004-06-10T00:55:00.000-05:00

God I'm depressed. I have been for a few days and it's just getting worse. I have the worst feeling ever in my stomach. I feel like crawling into my bed right now and just hiding under the covers for days. Some people might end up hating me for what I've done. I don't know. I guess that's their problem. But there's always two sides to every story and that's all I'll say about that. Thanks to my friends though, (Jesse, Sean, Ben, Cleve, Drew) for trying to help and not make me feel like the worst person in the world (not that Andrew does), eventhough I kind of feel that way. I don't know what's going to end up happening. Time will tell I guess. Things probably won't end up at all like I want them to, but hopefully I'll live. I'm so grateful for friends at times like this because they help me to keep in mind that life will go on as long as I don't give up. So thanks guys. I just hope I can make Art realize the same thing. I'm hoping and praying he doesn't do anything.. just thinking about something like that happening is giving me this really weird feeling. Like, I keep getting the chills. My stomach hurts and I'm pretty light-headed. Well I'm gonna go. Probably lay in bed, eat chocolate, and watch tear-jerking movies.. cuz I can't sleep. *Sigh* Bye..

2004-06-08T01:19:00.000-05:00

I've been slacking with updating this thing. Sorry people. I'm kinda bummed out right now. Not sure why... or maybe I do but I don't want to admit it to myself. I'm not sure.. kinda hard to explain. Today was just kind of a... I don't know... slow day. I was bored most of the time. My friend tried to make me feel better by trying to get my mind off of things and just relax and be happy but it didn't really work that well. It was still nice though, but I don't know.

Anyway, Sunday... yea... I went to see The Day After Tomorrow. It was pretty good. The special effects were really good in my opinion. It wasn't the best movie ever but it was worth seeing. I also went to Wal-Mart where I got a bamboo plant. Its name is Stumpy. It rocks. Umm I went to the hospital after that. (The movie was the last thing we did.) My Grandma is doing good... I think. Her shoulder hurts her though, but that's nothing new. But at least her leg is doing pretty good. It was a pretty rad day but it sounds boring now since I'm not in a very good mood while talking about it.

Oh yeah.. and then I had a weird phone conversation earlier. I had to call someone around 8. I should really stop telling people I'll do things. lol. They asked me to call and I said I would, but when the time came, I didn't really want to. At all. I should just start saying "I might..." when people ask me to do things.

Well.. I guess I'll call this an entry. I don't really have anything else to say right now. Later days.

2004-06-07T01:13:00.000-05:00

Well I was going to write about my Sunday. It was a good day. It would've been a happy post. But maybe I'll just save it for another time. I don't feel like posting anything happy anymore. I'm mad. I'm tired of trying to please people when it gets me no where. They take advantage of it and I'm tired of it. Soo guess what! I'm thinking about doing what I want to do. Period. Throw everyone else's feelings out the window and just live exactly how I want to live. Maybe that's what the secret to happiness is. Doing whatever the fuck you want instead of worrying about everyone else's feelings. People do shit that makes no sense so maybe I should too. If they can do it, so can I, right? Isn't that the way the world should work?

The stress is building up man.. I can feel it. My shoulders getting tighter. I'm shaking now too. My head is a mess. I don't know what the fuck to think anymore. All I know is that I'm grateful for the few people who ACTUALLY really care about me instead of just saying they do. Well I'm gonna go. My stomach hurts. I feel like just ripping it out.

2004-05-31T10:00:00.000-05:00

Owww! I hate spiders. HATE them. I went outside into our garage thingy and saw a spider on the step, the same step I stepped on, :(( and I jumped back into the house while screaming. I hit my foot on the door or wall or something because it hurts like hell and my nail looks funky. DAMN YOU SPIDER! I'm glad your dead! Mom killed it with the Raid. Yaay.

2004-05-30T21:32:00.000-05:00

Ugh! What a rollercoaster! Today was the picnic. HURRAH HURRAH!! GREAT weather we had too man. GREAT! It was so humid u almost didn't notice it was drizzling all morning. Yay! The sun came out around 3, but guess what! The humidity just never quit! Wow! I LOVE IT!

Well, let's start off with the good parts of the day. I hung out with Kacie and Rachel, and they don't piss me off. Good job guys! Then I saw Mallory but we actually got along. I met her biffy, Andrew. He's.. I dunno, I didn't really talk to him but uhh he's ok I guess. I talked to Justin! Haven't talked to him in a pretty good while so that was cool. He's got da bling bling yo. lol. Don't ask. Lmfao, and then me and Whitney practically killed each other. We were running toward each other cuz we saw the same person and we like practically ran into each other and shit. It was funny, u had to have seen it. Umm what else was good? Not much. I laughed at some fucking drunk chicks who kept saying "fuckin'" hahaha. Oh yea, I went to church. Not in the morning cuz we didn't get up on time, but they had something at... 2? yea. it was cool, everyone was in all these casual clothes. There wasn't a sermon but they were just kind of looking back on the years of Serbin. Yep. Today was the 150th anniversary of our church. Go us. Yea. That was kinda cool though. Well... for a while. Til something bad happened there. But I got over it. Kinda. Not really. Oh one more good thing. Brandon and Tarah are going back out.

*Sigh* bad stuff. where to start? This probably won't seem like much to some of u people, but this shit gets tiring. Old problems come back and I'm so sick of it. And of course I got even more mad at everything because it's.. uhh.. that time 'n stuff... I'll stop there with that topic though. Bleh. The weather sucked. I think I already established that. I couldn't hang out with my best friend all day because of his brother. Only about the last 30 minutes I was talking to him. He got me a few... nvm. Forget I said anything. NEXT! Alyce was there and annoyed the fuck out of me. At least she didn't talk to me that long. I don't wanna be mean man but shit, some people I just can't stand and it's hard to be nice. My shoes almost got ruined. Thank God I live across the road. My hair sucked complete ass. It was so annoying. STEPHANIE, dear God!!! YOU ARE ONE FUCKING LAZY ASS RETARDED BITCH! You're so lucky too, I hope you know that, because I almost said all of this shit to you and I almost fucking bitch-slapped your fat fucking ass. I'm so fucking tired of her bullshit it's not funny at all. I'd go into detail to help you people see why it pissed me off so bad, but I won't. She only thinks about herself. She thinks she's all that and she's full of SHIT. HEY BITCH! I felt like SHIT but guess what?! I still worked! I worked a fucking lot more than you did. You sat there *trying* to flirt with Jarrett. (BTW - Jarrett and Steph are now going out. You dumbasses! I'd go into why them going out is fucked up but it's a long story). EVERYBODY worked more than you. And then what's fucking worse is that you claim your not lazy. I didn't wanna do that shit either but I did! You fucking immature baby!! URGH! Baby always gets her way doesn't she? Then you try to make sad, pathetic excuses. They're all so stupid. And THEN you were even complaining about working. Then you wonder why people are mad at you? You fucking idiot! Next! That one teacher dude was there. This is what happened in church that was bad. People who had taught previously in the church's school (and were at the picnic) came up and gave speeches. He said something about students being special and awesome and he'll always remember them and all this shit and the whole time he's saying it, he's looking upstairs at me. You creepy fucktard! Some of you won't understand why that's weird, but that's also a long story that I definately do not want to get into. Then everywhere I looked at the picnic, he was there. Grr, my legs are killing me. I worked too much today man. I wasn't supposed to work that much but I got suckered into it. And poor Jason. I feel bad complaining because he worked even more than I did. He's cool, he didn't even bitch about it. Steph almost made Rachel cry. Grr grr grr. Steph likes to talk about Kacie behind her back too! Yea, Kacie's your best friend right Steph? That's why you only hang out with us when no one else is around! Grr, you're so lucky I did not kick your friggen ass. That is all I have to say. Some more bad shit happened but it wasn't THAT big of deal so I won't waste my precious energy typing about it. BLAH! Good day.

P.S. Meghan Schatte... you're fucking stupid. People like you are why people like me dislike most preps.

2004-05-29T15:07:00.000-05:00

Stress sucks. I hate it. I was kinda in a good mood earlier. Now I'm just kinda tired and bored and my shoulders are hurting so yea, that kinda killed it. I don't think my cat is getting any better. I don't think I wrote about that here so uhh, a week ago (I think) we noticed that one of my cats has like.. a patch of fur and skin missing on its side. It's just like a pink spot. We poured some germ killing shit on it and i think it helped some so we should do that again. It doesn't even seem like it's in any pain either so I dunno.

My mom told me today that my grandpa has fluid on his heart. So I asked wtf that exactly meant and she just said that it means he has a bad heart.. and then she started crying. And then I did. She said that he's taking some meds now that should help but he's going to his heart specialist doctor person thingy soon so yea. Hopefully he'll get better. Mom said she shouldn't have told me since I started crying but then she said she just thought I should know in case anything happens to him. :'( God I hope nothing does. That's just scary.

My chest has been hurting a lot lately. Kinda strange. It's hurting now so yea. I don't know. I hope tomorrow will be ok. We have our picnic shit tomorrow. Hurrah. :| I'm only looking forward to it cuz all my friends will be there. Well, pretty much all of them. Anywho, so yea, I'll be gone all day pretty much. Kinda gay but I dunno. I'm gonna take the cell so I can bug Andrew. Go me. Yea.... I think I'll go now. Later days.

2004-05-27T04:00:00.000-05:00

*sigh*... Well I've calmed down since my last entry. Not that I was all pissed off when I wrote it. I was just fucking frustrated and stressed. My head doesn't hurt anymore but my stomach sure fucking does. It's KILLING me. It's aweful man. But it was even worse earlier. I felt like shooting myself just to end the pain. I could barely take it. So I'm thinking something is wrong with my stomach and stuff because it always does this but I'm not gonna bother the parentals about it. I'll be fine... :| yep. Music rocks. It always can make me feel better or calm down. Pretty damn awesome if ya ask me.

I missed my youth group meeting today. I feel kinda bad about that, I wanted to go. I fell asleep man... not my fault. :( I thought it was at 7:30 also but it turned out to be at 7. Oh well.

Well I don't really have anything left to say. I read something that was complete fucking bullshit today. It was on a survey someone filled out. Hahaha, fucking immature people, I swear. People like that just make me all the more glad that I'm not like them. Well, later!

2004-05-27T00:34:00.000-05:00

UGH! My head hurts so fucking bad. This is all so STUPID. And I'd say everything I want to say right here but I'm too fucking scared. WHY DOES NO ONE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY ANYTHING?! Maybe I'm not hiding anything! Maybe you're seeing things that aren't even really there! I'm NOT that talkative!! Only when I'm hyper or in a good mood. When I'm bored or tired or whatever, I don't answer everything in 7 words or more! And now it feels like I have all this fucking pressure on me to talk talk talk talk talk just so it doesn't seem like there's anything wrong. Today sucked. I'm so bored with my life. Besides that, I found something out last night (well actually REALLY early this morning.. wait.. it's past 12, so yesterday morning. Ok, about 4:30am Wednesday morning) that makes me very suspicious of someone and it hurts. Wanna know what I found out? Tough shit! I'm only telling a selected few people and if I don't tell you without you having to ask, then I don't want you to know. Good day.

2004-05-23T00:11:00.000-05:00

So I just got off the phone with Andrew, Mandy, and Nichole. That was something... yea. I didn't know what was going on half of the time, lol. Nichole was mostly moaning I think.. and Mandy kept pinching her ass. Then they were going under the sheets, flashing each other. THEN the next thing I know Nichole wants to turn the lights off. But yea, they had to go cuz it was time to "go to bed" if you know what I mean. *Wink wink* lmao. Sorry guys, hahaha. They're both gonna hate me now. Oh well, lol.

Tomorrow is gonna be... ehh. I dunno. I don't wanna get up early but I have to. And then we have some dude's confirmation party to go to. Woo hoo. Not. Blah. Anywho, guess what guys. Brandon fucked up his ankle. Hahaha loser. lol, he tripped going down the steps of somebody's porch. Dumbass.

Well I don't really have much else to say. Sorry it was such a boring update. :-/ Later days.

2004-05-22T02:08:00.000-05:00

Geez sometimes life can suck. I'm sad, bored, and who knows what else. I feel like it's time for some change.

2004-05-19T03:01:00.000-05:00

Why the fook am I not tired? lol. It's 3 AM and I'm still wide awake. I'm bored. Today has... sucked. Mainly tonight. I dunno, I've just been thinking a lot today.. and yesterday. I dunno, but Sunday fucking rocked. I'd talk about it on here but I've talked about it to all my friends already, lol, and they're probably tired of hearing about it. I'll just talk about it a little bit.

I went with my youth group (and our church adult group went too) to an Austin Wranglers game. I'm sure all of you are like "Wtf..." lol. The Wranglers are an Arena Football team. Yea... AFL. It's pretty pathetic really. Sad excuse for football and all the players are probably NFL wannabes but just suck too much. Besides that, they lost. But despite all that, I still had fun. Lots of fun actually. It's not where you go, it's who you're with. A lot of places I go to, I don't want to be there, but when my good friends are there, it's still fun. The game itself wasn't THAT bad though. It was kinda cool making fun of the players and stuff, lol... and some of the fans. We were also jamming out to the crappy music they were playing. But yea, it was a pretty damn awesome day.. and I wish I had more like it, but oh well.

Maybe once summer rolls around, I'll have some more fun. Summer's gonna be awesome. I hope. Maybe not, lol. I don't want to expect it to be awesome and then get disappointed. The next thing I'm looking forward to is... next Sunday.. er... the one after this Sunday... lol, the 30th. I'll be going to some picnic shit and it'll probably be retarded, but I'll be with all of my friends so it should turn out pretty slammin'.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'll try to start updating more.... not that any of you probably even care... not that I could blame you. If I were you, I wouldn't care about what I have to say either. Ehh alright, lates.

2004-05-13T00:38:00.000-05:00

And I'm just a moved on memory! Woo, Less Than Jake. Anywho, umm, I was just in a good mood, jamming out to my music, but now I'm just kinda... blah. Tired and bored. And hungry.

I'm with Matt, when you ask me something, cut the bullshit! lol. I wasn't in too great of a mood earlier and I asked someone something and they kept typing in some gay smiley face and not answering. I'm like wtf man! I asked them how they got my s/n since they IMed me out of the blue. Then I was like "This isn't the best time so just cut the shit and answer me!" Then they said something like "Ok leave me alone", so I was like "Wtf, u IMed me u dumbass" lol. It frustrated me.

Umm this is to my... ex-friend I guess... you know who you are. I know shit has been bad, so I just wanted to say that I don't hate you. I could say a lot more but I'm just not gonna. Not that it's all bad shit or anything, I just... don't want to I guess.

Caleb's talking to me. Whoa it's a miracle! And he reminded me the fair starts tomorrow. Hot damn. I doubt I'll be going to that shit but maybe. I guess it depends on if I can find someone to go with. But I don't think I really want to find anyone to go with. Ehh I dunno. I'm out. Lates.

2004-05-12T21:00:00.000-05:00

Hahaha life is so great. What would I do if I didn't have people trying to fuck things over for me? How boring would that be! So shit's going down again. It pisses me off in a way but I'm just gonna sit back and laugh. You have to do that sometimes.

Umm, on to a different subject, it's funny how people think they know me so well. There are about, 2 people on the face of this planet that really know me. I keep certain sides of me and things from people for a reason. I have to say though, sometimes you have to be mean to people for a reason. Because they won't fucking leave you alone if you don't. Because they're assholes to you. You get tired of their shit and you decide to yourself one day that you won't take it anymore. And so then, you start saying mean things, even things you don't mean, just to get them to leave you alone. And then they think YOU'RE heartless. Funny, but I don't care. I try to be nice but that's not enough. Well I'm not gonna waste my time on certain people trying to convince them of things. That's just stupid. They can think whatever the fuck they want. I honestly don't care what certain people think.

Next subject! Umm nevermind, I think that's it for subjects for now. Maybe I'll update later. Kiss, kiss. Mwuahuahua.

2004-05-12T01:05:00.000-05:00

So uhh, I'm bored. Yep. I dunno what to write about really. I went 4-wheeling today again, but since it rained it was all muddy. It rained while we were out there too so we all got soaked. And then mud would fly up from the tires and shit. It was crazy but a lot of fun. Thanks Scott for helping to distract me from my worries. I thought I had shit figured out man, I really did. But then comes a twist.

I think I have 2 people pretty much really figured out. Yea. Pretty sure. Umm, I really don't know what to talk about. Me and Andrew are fine... I think. He's not talking that much right now but I think he's doing something else maybe.

*Sigh* Have you ever missed somebody that you never thought you'd miss, and didn't want to miss?

2004-05-09T21:54:00.000-05:00

so much for it being a good day. THANKS A FUCKING LOT!!! I don't do shit but you go around telling people things that are unimportant, just to make it sound like it means something all weird, just to fucking start shit. WTF MAN!!! GRRRRRR!!

Heather, wtf were u thinking? You thought u could have a good day? Ha!! Are u kidding?

I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THE SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER!!!!!! I'M ABOUT TO KILL SOMEBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-05-09T21:26:00.000-05:00

Dude, today fucking rocked!!! Wot a grand day. Sundays kick ass. After a umm... interesting... church service, I went to Jenny's confirmation party. woot woot! lol, it was actually really fun. i was just hanging out with friends, being hyper and stupid, hehe. Dude, Kyle is pretty cool! Not Kyle K.. my ex biffy Kyle. I haven't talked to him in a while, and he used to be an ass. But he's cool now. Lmao, Stacy and her nipple!! lmfao!! sick shit. i saw it when i was leaving guys! lol, this is gonna sound so wrong. no it was not actually a nipple, if any of u were wondering. But yea anywho, me, Rachel, Kacie, and Steph (and sometimes Whit was with us) stole Kyle from Erich and Thomas so we made him sit with us after we ate. Hey Steph, I betcha dun heard of a redneck thang. lmao!!! omg man, fucking good times. Today is a day to remember. You didn't bring any gum widja didja? 'Eyorta go buy some. lmao i didn't spell that word right but oh well. nobody will know... hehe. "Aw, I made a mess :(" lmao. we're stupid man. I made Kacie spit out her noodles!! hahaha. dude, she told me that she still remembers the first time I made her laugh so much that she started crying. she said it was in 3rd grade. she even knows where we were and everything. crazy shit.
Anywho, after that.... heh heh... i got to do some muthafuckin' FOUR-WHEELING!!! The last time I drove one of those was... man, at Jordan's house. omg, that was fun. i looove four-wheelers. so yea, me, my friend, and a few of my friend's friends, lol, did that for a while. Kick ass man. i almost ran into a tree though. and one of my friends almost flipped his 4-wheeler. But man, they're pretty much brand new. Sweeeet. But then my Mom called the cell phone and told me to get my ass back home. :(
So THEN I went to my grandparents' house. Which is right across from the house I was just at. And then my Grandma was talking about how loud those four-wheelers are and that she can hear people racing back and forth on the roads and then in the fields. lol i just kinda stayed quiet during that, heh. So after that I went to my other grandparents' house. It was.. fun in its own way. Jordan wasn't there for long man, but I saw Russ again! They were showing me pictures from their prom last night. Russ and his friend Parker went as Dumb and Dumber. So Russ was in a solid orange suit and Parker was in a solid light blue suit. Retards! Jordan and Ashlena look all cute together, lol. lmao, and Jordan told me about the first party his Mom let him go to. cuz she's all afraid of him getting a M.I.P. especially cuz he's really involved with sports and stuff. but anywho, he went to this party... and this guy has had parties before but the cops never showed. so the first time Jordan goes to this party, a cop shows up, lol. and yea, there was alcohol there. not THAT much but yea. so anywho, they were all sitting outside, they built a bonfire (crazy bastards) and a cop drives up, so somebody yells "COP!" and Jordan and like 3 of his friends turn around to look and see who was driving up, cuz they thought it was a joke... and when they turned back around, everyone was gone. lol everybody tossed their beers and took off running. even his g/f. lol, she was like "well shit, everyone else was running!" but luckily Jordan didn't get into any trouble so yea.
I hope this entry made sense man, i'm hyper and out of it. i had a LOT of icing today!! wooooooo. heh heh, alright, i'm outies. Laaaater daaays!

2004-05-08T20:49:00.000-05:00

ohh man, my stomach hurts! we went out to eat for Mom's birthday and i think i ate too much. jeebus man. tummeh-ache. anywho, how's everybody doing? i'm ok i guess. missing my baby. but yea, i'm waiting for Art to text me back and stuff, so then i can tell him he can call me. Hehehehehe. lol, bahaha. ok sorry. umm yea, not much news. actually yesterday was quite interesting. and today was... well... i dunno. not boring but not that interesting either. i met somebody yesterday, and it was... unexpected... and weird. lol, because i met him online and then actually ran into him in Sam Goody at the mall in Houston. well, more like... the outskirts of Houston. whatever they call that. lol, i dunno. stomach hurts too much to think right now man. blaaaah. anywho, i'm gonna go now. i'll write more later. maybe. toodles!

2004-05-04T21:57:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated this in ages! Haha, ok, that's bullshit. But anywho, heey everyone. It's the 4th. You all know what that means... and if you don't... it's me and Andrew's 16 month anniversary. Yeea. Congratulate us biatches! lol. Naw but that's..cool. I love you a lot baby! Hope ya liked the poem... =)

Anywho, today was alright. I got the dung (lmao) scared out of me though. There were guys that came to my house and I didn't know who they were. They were with some..shit though. lol i can't remember. Well actually I can, I know what they were doing, I just forgot their company name or whatever. They scared me though! But they turned out being nice guys. Or atleast the one I talked to was... who knows about the other weirdos. One was wearing a funny hat though. Hahaha... I have no life.

Tomorrow I have a Youth meeting. I can't wait! NOT! Eventhough I know nothing will happen with... *cough* someone. I know him too well, I know exactly how he'll act and what he'll do. It's like... ESPN... lol j/k. But yea, I'm gonna miss part of The OC season finale too.. dammit. lol, I have no life man. But yea, I won't be able to talk to Andrew that much either. And I don't know if I'll even get to talk to him on Thursday. Then on Friday, he leaves for Vegas. He'll be gone ALL weekend. :( Sucks. I'm gonna be sooo bored.

Well I'm gonna go. My shoulders f-ing hurt. I'm getting pretty fucking sick of it. Oh yea, I found out some very fucking interesting shit. Did I already mention that in here? I don't think so. It could get ugly. Maybe. I have to find more out first. Do some investigating, haha. Anywho, Justin, hang in there buddy! And I am OUT! Lates.

2004-05-02T01:40:00.000-05:00

UGH!!!!! i feel like giving uuuup. i'm soo tired. pushing on with little strength left hardly seems worth the effort when you get no where in the end.... so what's the point in trying? life can be a bitch.

2004-05-01T23:29:00.000-05:00

Mean Girls fucking rocked!! I was expecting it to kinda be some movie for 12 year-old girls about not picking on other girls, but it was actually fucking funny. it was PG-13 which surprised me, but after i saw it, i understood why. lol, i was thinking it'd be more like Freaky Friday or something.. u know.. safe for young kids. they said "bitch" and "slut" a lot though. lmao, it was funny. i'd recommend it to anyone... well kinda. if u thought it could be a movie u were interested in seeing, then i say definately see it. it was funnier than i thought it'd be. it's not like, the movie of the year or anything, but i wasn't disappointed. so anywho, i had fun seeing that. they showed some preview for a Dodgeball movie... i cant remember the name. something with "dodgeball" and "underdogs", i dunno. but Ben Stiller's in it. he plays some asshole though i think. but it looks funny. and a few other familiar people that i cant remember the names of. wow, i suck today with remembering things. *cough* anywho, i'm out. umm....... stay clean, stay fresh, stay..... something... i dunno. *cries* too much pressure! that reminds me, i need to take a shower soon so i can go to bed early-ish. i'm f-ing tired. alright, lates!

2004-05-01T01:56:00.000-05:00

i fucking feel like shit now. Today was grand until now. I stayed up all night last night because for some reason, I couldn't fall asleep. So yea, today I got really fucking sleepy around 2:30. then i got home and was ok for a while, but i was waiting for something, so i went and laid on my bed for a while. i laid on it a few times but the last time, i ended up falling asleep. and i didn't wake up til now. so now i probably fucked things up by doing that. And people AREN'T FUCKING HELPING! at all! that's fine though, whatever, go throw your fucking fit.

2004-04-30T15:28:00.000-05:00

Food For Thought

ABC's report

'System wide' mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners: report
CBS has broadcast images of US troops mistreating Iraqi prisoners, saying an army investigation has found "system wide" problems in the handling of captured Iraqis.
Deputy chief of military operations in Iraq, General Mark Kimmitt, says six US soldiers are being court martialled on charges stemming from the investigation into abuse of prisoners at Abu Gharaib.
Abu Gharaib is infamous as a prison where former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein's regime tortured and executed opponents.
Photographs aired by the network on 60 Minutes II include one showing a prisoner standing on a box with a hood over his head and wires coming from his hands.
The network says he was told he would be electrocuted if he fell off.
Other pictures show nude prisoners lying on each other and simulating oral sex as US troops point and laugh.
"We're appalled. ... These are our fellow soldiers, these are the people we work with every day, they represent us, they wear the same uniform as us, and they let their fellow soldiers down," Gen Kimmitt said.
"We expect our soldiers to be treated well by the adversary, by the enemy... and if we can't hold ourselves up as an example of how to treat people with dignity and respect, we can't ask that other nations do that to our soldiers."
Army Reserve Staff Sergeant Chip Frederick has been charged with maltreatment, assault and indecent acts for posing for a photograph while sitting on top of a detainee, striking detainees and ordering detainees to strike each other, among other things, CBS reports.
Frederick, a prison guard from Virginia in civilian life, and his lawyer Gary Myers blames the problems at the prison on the atmosphere created by commanders.
"We had no support, no training whatsoever," Mr Myers told CBS.
Indeed, the army investigation found a lack of leadership at the prison and concluded soldiers at the prison, most of whom are reservists, are not trained on rules for handling prisoners of war under the Geneva Convention.

Quite interesting... and disgusting. Maybe it'll give some of you a new perspective on these "heroic" U.S. soldiers. *cough* Whitney *cough*

True, you can't judge the whole army by the actions of those who tortured these Iraqi POWs, but who's to say more of them aren't doing this? It's just something to think about for some of you. Besides that, even if they don't torture the POWs the way the soldiers in this report did, they still hold them prisoner. They still take people's lives. People who have real feelings, emotions, beliefs, and families.... fellow humans. If this is the definition of a hero, I regret calling my Dad "my hero" when I was younger. Will somebody please remind me why troops are still over there? I keep forgetting...

Perhaps these soldiers represent the U.S. more than some people think. They have the attitude of "Sucks for them, but as long as I'm fine, who fucking cares?!"

You don't have to agree with anything I've written here. I'm definately open to feedback though. But don't bitch at me for writing these things, because I'm entitled to my own opinion also. After all, this is MY blog, right? Anyway, I'm out, my head is a mess from not sleeping last night. But ugh, this whole thing is a disgrace to humans. What the fuck has happened to people?

"They punish anyone, don't you know
That shows any sign of understanding
More than their rhetoric
Just like his dad, and his dad's dad before him
Tommy went off to fight in a war
And protect his people from an inhumane race,
From an out of sight threat, in a far away place
And just before Tommy got shot down, he stopped to think,
To ask himself, 'Are their armies also made up of their poor?'"
-Justin Sane - "Tommy Gun"

Pardon any typos. I'm OUT..OF..IT!

2004-04-30T02:02:00.000-05:00

my god man, i feel fucking empty right now. my stomach is in knots, and my heart feels... drained. i just feel empty inside. i feel like crying but i'm not going to. i dunno, i just dont want to. so i have a huge lump in my throat and i can't even talk. horrible day. i hope yours went better than mine.

saying bye is never easy
but what needs to be done, we'll do
you may not see what i'm thinking
but someday you'll see i cared for u
some things you can't take back
and it's too late to make amends
now we're on our separate paths
look forward to the future after our end

i'm not asking you to forgive
i'm not sorry for doing what i think is best
i'm just wanting you not to forget
eventhough our words will be put to rest

no more new beginnings to the same old story
no more falling back on "sorry"
the results are always the same
the results are always the same

gay song but good meaning

2004-04-30T01:46:00.000-05:00

damn... i believe i found something new to worry about. grand. i was getting pretty bored with just worrying about the same old shit anyway.

i just read something that hurts like hell and kinda makes me pretty pissed too. ANOTHER new thing to worry about! wow, what a day.

i love life.....

2004-04-29T03:17:00.000-05:00

oh yea, one more thing... don't you think it's stupid when people say they don't like something, just to seem "cooler" or just because they think someone will like them more? yea... some people are just full of shit. and some people are too blind to see it. i don't miss much though. i'm very observant and i like to analyze the things that i notice... but i don't like letting other people know that... i pretend that i don't notice certain things... i'm not sure why i do that, but it seems like the smarter thing to do. i guess you could say, i'm smarter than quite a few people think, because i play dumb. i mean, i do joke around, and i do act like an idiot sometimes, but i think i'm smarter than i seem sometimes.

2004-04-29T02:47:00.000-05:00

today has been a rollercoaster and i now have a few more things bottling up in my thoughts... that i'm not ready to talk about yet because i'd like to wait and... observe more. i like to try to pick my battles carefully. i noticed something kinda strange today, but i'm thinking that perhaps it was just in my head. and a part of me thinks it's stupid. but a part of me thinks it might not be stupid, just because of... past events i guess. kinda weird. ugh, damn shoulders. it's always my left one that tightens up the most. omg, horny biatch on tv! that dude creeps me out. ok ok, sorreh. anyway, i kind of feel like crying right now and i don't know why. i started crying a moment ago cuz i thought Andrew was mad at me, but he wasn't, so that made me feel better. a lot better actually.

things are finally going pretty good for me so i guess i'm just worried that stuff will start going downhill again... just because i know that what goes up, must go down. and it's when you have what you want, that you have something to lose. kinda scary.

on the plus side, it's thursday, which means my show is on tonight. hell yeea! i've been looking forward to this shit all week. here's wot's weird though. i had a dream about this show a few weeks ago... i dreamed about seeing a preview of the show... and umm now, the previews for the show are a LOT like the preview in my dream. like, in my dream, there was a big secret revealed.. and then in the preview i saw in real life, the same secret was revealed. it's like my dream predicted how the season finale was going to end up. freaky right? and sad in a way... i dreamt about a damn TV show.

well i'm out. maybe i'll try to go to sleep. it's been a.. strange day and night. byee.

2004-04-29T00:13:00.000-05:00

somebody shoot me! fucking backstreet boys! u make me want to take my own life. anywho... tonight has been... pretty gay. thanks to... *cough* someone.... and.... stuff... lol, sorry. only a few people will know wtf i'm talking about.

*sigh* maaaaaaan..... just when i thought i had it all figured out. too much shit to think about and try to figure out. pretty gay but i guess it's what keeps me busy. of course it also keeps me stressed, but ya win some, ya lose some, right? yeea. aww poo, i must go. i'll update more later.

2004-04-27T00:17:00.000-05:00

Omg! I fucking give up! Caleb, you're a fucking idiot for going back out with Erin. So I just want to let you know, if you have problems with her, don't come talk to me, because I'm not gonna help anymore. I take the time out to talk to you and try to help, but what's the point anymore when you don't take my advice? It seems like you only just talk to me when things are going down the shitter for you anyway. You blow everyone off for Erin, a chick who has lied to you about 98% of the things that she's told you. If she lied to you about all of that, what makes you think she won't lie to you about other things? You already know now that she's a hardcore liar, why stay with her? I'd say run while you still can, before she rips your legs out from under you without you even realizing it. You already pretty much let her do anything she wants to you, no matter how bad it hurts you. Why? For what? For her to just ditch you in the end like she seems to always do. She messes with your head, flirts with guys right in front of you, and so on. I'll be here to listen to you through the rest of your problems, but I'm not putting up with hearing you bitch about your Erin shit.

In other news, tonight was fucking weird. Andrew and I tried something which should've worked, but for some reason didn't. Oh well, fuck it. I'm not the happiest camper anymore. Andrew fucking rocks though. I LOVE YOU BEB!! I swear I wouldn't be sane now if it wasn't for you. You kick major ass! And you rocked on the drums man.. and the guitar. Roxy's so cute! Did you hug her for me yet? You better have.. lol.

Alright well I'm out. Hope you guys loved my bitching.

2004-04-26T00:48:00.000-05:00

tonight didn't go as expected so that kinda blows. i need to quit expecting things because it always causes disappointment...

sometimes i wonder how seriously some people take me. i dunno but once i say i want to do something, and really set my mind to it, it means that i REALLY wanna do it, and i won't hesitate to do it either. i don't think many people get that about me. i like to get things that i have my mind set on done right away, but i guess not everyone is like that... so i guess i'll just have to be patient.

mixed signals suck. make up your mind people! and once you do, don't say things to confuse everybody else and to keep us guessing about your feelings and thoughts. it causes people stress, and you might not even realize it.

anywho, tonight hasn't been all bad. andrew and i are doing really well. which is good for me but maybe not for everybody else.... remember people, all relationships are different, some will work out, and some won't... that's just how it goes. and most of the time, we're left confused and not able to understand why our relationships don't work out... but maybe it's just not meant to be for some people to be together, and you just have to accept that, even if you don't understand.

well i'm gonna go now...

2004-04-25T18:40:00.000-05:00

something's gonna happen tonight... i have a feeling. heh heh heh......

2004-04-24T20:30:00.000-05:00

so i just got back from driving and... heh heh... i had fun. i shouldn't have gone driving right after watching "2 Fast 2 Furious" because I kept driving all fast and peeling out, lol... Mom was going crazy. Anywho, today was alright I guess. Kinda slow/boring, but it's all gravy. I'm waiting to talk to Andrew. I miss him dammit! Whoa! Matt just IMed me with the strangest sentence... I don't think you guys wanna know though. I didn't even wanna know that shit! Ew... he's... weird, lol. which is cool cuz it keeps it interesting. So... how's everybody doing today? i don't really have much to report so i think i'll go now. maybe i'll post later.. not that any of you probably really care...

2004-04-24T07:53:00.000-05:00

tonight was pretty cool... i got to talk to Andrew on the phone.. for hours! from... jeebus i dunno when, 1 am? a little before maybe? 12? until about 6:45 am. before then i was talking to him online. and i am now too, well kinda, he keeps falling asleep. i had fun though. eventhough sometimes we had our silent moments, hehe. i love him to bits! i don't know what i'd do without him. i started crying on the phone man, not cool. he got a little upset over something (and i don't blame him, i would've too) and i think right away, you could hear the change in my voice.. i got quieter, and it was like, i knew he was upset and it just hurt me too. so then i nearly was crying, but then i started to when we were talking it out. lol, i dunno, it was a touching moment though, hahaha. he's saved me in sooo many ways and has taught me a lot.. about myself and just.. life in general. he's a greeat guy! he's so sweet, and so... sexy! lol, but that's not why i'm with him. but he's just so talented too, but yet humble. hehehe. lol. i'm giddy! :D but yea, he's really smart, (numba one in his class!) and he can sing and play the guitar, bass, drums, and umm... the trumpet.. and i think something else too. and he's awesome at writing songs. we have a lot in common, but not TOO much to where it's uninteresting. and what's greatest of all, is that it seems no matter what problem or bump in the road we come to, we can always work past it. in 10 days it'll be our anniversary... 1 year and 4 months baby! woot woot! lol. i'm out of it right now man, it's 8 in the morning. i haven't slept all night, and plus i'm giddy from talking on the phone with my beb. it was annoying though because i had to keep switching phones. and it would be storming on and off. this one time it thundered fucking LOUD as shit, and it scared the poo outta me. anywho, yesterday i went to the mall, woot woot! lol i sound really girly, like i love hanging out at the mall and stuff, but no, i don't go very often so it's cool when i do. i only went into FYE and bought 2 CDs ("Page Avenue" - Story Of The Year, and "Deja Entendu" -Brand New; hopefully I'll be getting the Funeral For A Friend one next) and 2 DVDs ["South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut", and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" which is actually not a true story, like most people think (at least my friends and i thought)]. Then I went into Hot Topic and got a checkered wrist band, and almost a Story Of The Year t-shirt, but I gotta save my money to finish buying Andrew's birthday presents (I know, I lag dammit). And then I went to PacSun for a little while to browse. Oooh!! AND!! i got Dippin' Dots! i looove those!! so yesterday was a pretty good day and today was too. damn, Andrew must be reeally sleeping this time cuz I can't wake him up. i feel bad for him, lol, i made him stay up again. sorry baby! I love you much! lol. anywho, there's really no other news for me to report. sorry this entry was all corny and stuff, hehehe. you'll just have to deal with it! lol, alright, lates!

2004-04-21T21:16:00.000-05:00

i just wrote a whole paragraph on how i was feeling right now... what i was thinking. and now i just erased it cuz i was afraid it'd offend some people, eventhough it's not supposed to. kinda shitty. it's my blog but i can't write everything that i wanna write because i don't want other people to take things wrong and start shit. gaay. but i guess that's my fault. i dunno. it's... weird. anywho, if u biatches don't start leaving comments, i will kick some ass. heh heh. ugh! how much of this annoying shit can i take?! lol, sorry... out burst. i'm trying to get along with people but they're f-ing annoying sometimes. but i don't say anything, cuz again, i dont wanna start shit. so i hold it in and try to make myself get over it... and when i can't get over it, it keeps bottling up until i explode. which happens about... once every month or two. oh yea, anybody know who was kicked off American Idol? I missed it... I was sleeping. But I woke up just in time for The OC so it's all gravy, lol. Dude! Last night was the first night that I actually paid attention and watched the show 24. That show rocks!! It was really... good. Usually I'm more for comedies over the drama shit but that show's cool. Alright well I'm out. I have a headache... I woke up with one. Yea... sucks. Ok, lates!

2004-04-20T21:28:00.000-05:00

Chewbacca makes me hot. lmao, i'm kidding! But if you want a good laugh, go here.

2004-04-20T11:15:00.000-05:00

so i'm at school... in the library... and what do i see? hmm... to the left... books. in front of me, the computer screen. to the right... a couch... with a couple sitting on it... making out. if you'd even call it that. he's basically shoving his tongue down the chick's throat. yea... jeebus, this librarian must be blind. oh, this is the same lady who kicked Justin, Steph, and I out that one time. lmao, i'll never forget that. that was hilarious. we were being idiots, like usual, and we finally got too loud. and then on the way out, well, there are double doors in the library, and Justin and I walk through the left one, but Stephanie tried to go through the right door... but it's always locked. lmao so she ran right into it and hit her head. hmm... maybe you had to be there. yeah... i'm tired. i have no idea how many times i've said that in the past few hours but it's been a lot. oh well, staying up last night was cool. i talked to Andrew the whole time. i feel bad for him, he always stays up with me. he got a fever last night again too. sucks. i hope he didn't get in trouble for staying up though. anywho, i think i'm making progress on talking the parentals into going to the Texas Rangers game on May 22nd. Hehehehe, lol, i get giddy just thinking about it. I'm not a big fan of the Rangers... but! Justin Berfield is going to be there to throw out the first pitch... and we all know that I'm a big fan of Justin's. I have high doubts that I'd get to get his autograph or meet him, but hey, that small thread of hope is enough to make me beg and plead with my parents to take me to the game. And even if I don't meet him, it'll still be worth it to see him in person and stuff. Heehee. oh dude! lunch is in 15 minutes. kick ass! Jeebus, the make out couple is still going at it. Horny much? Anywho, this sucks, i'm trying to get my last name not to appear on my blog entries. i've changed the profile to where it shouldn't anymore, but it still does. i don't want anymore stalkers man... i've had enough for a lifetime. speaking of old, perverted, stalker-type guys, heeey Jason! lol j/k! I feel cool cuz I got an e-mail from Jason. He seems nice... which rocks... cuz nice people rock! I'll have to e-mail him back when I get a chance. Cuz you know, I'm so busy... heh heh... heh heh heh... not. Alright, well I better jet. The lunch bell is gonna ring in 5 minutes and I still haven't thrown anything at the people on the couch. I told myself I would dammit, so I have to. Eeevil. lol alright. Lates!

2004-04-20T03:53:00.000-05:00

i'm trying to stay awake for the... 3rd night in a row. i've only taken naps during the day, and they have been 3 hours long at the most. i don't like sleep because i have these weird dreams... and my dreams always get to me, because no matter how much i try to tell myself that they're just a dream and mean nothing, i never believe that. and lately my dreams are seeming to symbolize bad things. kinda weird that i'm saying this... i love dreams... usually, but i guess i'm just scared. i dream about people that i shouldn't be dreaming about... which gets to me and really makes me think. i dunno... but anywho...

my shoulders hurt. it has once again been a stressful night. it started off pretty good but then Scott called because he got into a fist fight with his brother and needed someone to talk to. and he's my best friend so of course, i couldn't just ignore him. i'm still on the phone with him now but i'm trying to talk him into going to sleep. he has to work tomorrow and stuff. of course i have school... but who cares about me? oh anywho, back to the story, so Scott called... and then we 3-wayed his brother (who had been drinking and took Scott's truck and went for a drive) and it took a while, but i calmed him down... i made him promise that he'd go home, leave Scott alone, and quit drinking. cuz he wasn't really drunk yet but he was getting there. so he kept his promise and went home. i thought it'd be all good but no, he kept every part of the promise except that he kept drinking. which then made him sound like a dumbass when they called me back cuz he wasn't making much sense and was saying things that i know he didn't really mean. he'll most likely be calling me tomorrow begging for forgiveness. *sigh* what a crappy night. after i find out all this about Scott, Andrew started acting weird, and i dunno. i was even more stressed then. i better go cuz talking about this is making my shoulders hurt worse.